Maybe you'll disappear next then. Who knows. [He wasn't certain how that would make him feel honestly. Sad? Angry? Probably a little envious.
The problem with a man like Reyes was that he needed to be busy, and he figured this place was much the same for him. After all, he was one of the few that could claim to know many of Gabriel's habits and personality, could call what he might do next. Hell, it wouldn't surprise him to find the guy wounded and just hiding it; they had been doing that since they were twenty-one years old.
He nodded and let them drink together, the weight of old and new losses apparent.]
[Read over anything that seemed important at least twenty-times over by now, to the point he'd had to stop going or else something would catch fire from his own frustration despite his control. The War. The Arehtei destroying everything in their madness from the use of emotion fueled weaponry corrupting them. Corrupting the entire world. Simpatheias sacrificing herself to save this island.
Thras and Daimonia no affected by the madness, thus both protecting and hiding their own cities. Their people. The other island being found. These artifacts being found. People going out to try and recover the lands and cities lost that belonged to the other Arehtei.
There was so much, and still so very few answers.
This was no existence for him. Tilted the bottle and his head back, finishing the entire bottle in one go like that, letting it drop as he fumbled for another.]
Never know. Ana was here as long as you were and now she's returned. Maybe these stupid gods have your number to roll next.
[There was no point really dwelling on it, was there? According to everyone he had spoken to, there wasn't a rhyme or reason for people coming or going in this place. It was whoever had a lucky or unlucky number by this point.
While he should do his research, he just plain didn't yet. He wasn't feeling it. No, he finished off his second bottle and reached for a third, though he was definitely slower than Reyes. For the best, he was going to end up carrying the guy downstairs.]
You getting drunk yet? 'Cause you don't fumble much usually...
You're just being technical now. Still might have your number, unless of course you don't want to go back.
[After four years, it might be understandable. He took the bottle that was slid to his hand, flipping the lid off of it and tossing it on the coffee table. He stretched his legs out under it and made himself comfortable.]
I haven't felt that since I was seventeen. [He could remember what it was like though. He wasn't that far along, being more conservative, but he was warm enough to perhaps be more talkative than he usually would be.] Snuck into the pub for dancing after getting to that place. Got much drunker than that after...
[He sipped his new bottle.] Just feeling warm. I'm in control.
Selfish part of me wants to stay at times. Rest of me knows I can't.
[At least they were both comfortable while drinking, even if only one of them was slowly moving towards trying to blackout from it.
Hummed a little, taking a bit longer to get the lid off his.. fourth? Fifth? Whatever, the latest bottle he'd grabbed. Took a little while to get it off, letting it bounced off the coffee table.]
Last time I got like this on something normal was the night before the first round of injections started, for the batch I was in. We all figured it was our last chance before possibly dying from whatever they were going to be putting in us. [Putting them through.] Worth it.
[He had never asked before, hadn't thought that it was worthwhile or possible. Now that he was warm and fuzzy on alcohol, he could push forward the questions that he would otherwise just hold his peace on.
He almost reached over to help Reyes open the next bottle, but the guy managed to get it before he could make it. No matter, they were set for a night now, and no going back.]
Oh yeah, first round where there was an expected critical mortality rate. No wonder you went out and got smashed. [He shook his head.] Did you pass out somewhere or were you good and make it back to base?
[Seemed simple; if he had a reason to want to stay, he'd chose to stay. Otherwise... what other reason would he have? That selfish part of him was at least somewhat reasonable.
Head tilted back, just holding on to that bottle.]
Did one better. Group of us went out in a few 'borrowed' cars and got as much as we could get, brought it all back. Partied it up in the Mess. [Young and dumb and not knowing who would live or die, so giving it one last go.] We all slept there, too.
[He was genuinely curious, which was actually rare for him these days. The life and times of Gabriel Reyes had always interested in for most of their lives together, save that dramatic and deadly parting they had shared. The freedom of alcohol meant he could have looser lips.
Of course they did. That was such a young person thing to do.] So you were all hung over for your first injections? I bet that was a great time.
Finally he did take a sip from the bottle, smaller than the last few swings from the previous bottle had been.] Some of us were, some of us weren't because we know how to avoid a hangover well enough.
Honestly? I wish I'd been hungover, wouldn't have been as bad as that shit felt.
As in your reasons for staying are no longer easy because they keep disappearing.
[He figured that Reyes would stay for people, friendships and even family he had formed here, but otherwise, the job, the missions were just filler. After all, they had a mission back home, so the ones here weren't any more pressing than there.
He nodded his head, remember his group of volunteers. Many of them had gone out drinking before the testing phase, but Jack had not. He'd been assigned watch duty that night, so he had to be sober.]
Felt like every fiber of your person was under pressure from all directions.
Yeah. The mission back home is important, I need to get back to it, even if it manages to kill, me.
[No matter what some selfish part of him might want. It wouldn't matter the moment he did finally get sent back, wouldn't remember anything. Be like it never had happened, never even mattered at all.
Some had drank as much as they could out of fear, some because they wanted their possible last moment alive before it all started to be a damned memorable one- well. One that could have been thought of as something fun.]
I wasn't aware that anything could kill you these days.
[It wasn't even a case of old soldiers either. It was impossible to tell how much damage Reyes could take these days and if there was any kind of finality to the man anymore. He figured Moira might hazard a guess or two, but they weren't exactly on talking terms anymore.
He remembered the agony of it. First round of injections were bad, but the second were worse. He actually thought that he might actually die in the second round, and he had puked every fifteen minutes for four days straight after.]
Like you were being pulled apart from the inside out.
Knowing Talon? They're likely trying to come up with a way, somewhere. Just how they are.
[Some sort of precaution, because there really was no denying just how dangerous he was, and how dangerous he could potentially be. Way he liked it, despite knowing it was a double-edged sword. All the more reason for no one to actively step on his toes whenever he did set down something.
The agony was hard to forget. SEP was rough, it was all so very experimental, an nothing was guaranteed, even if they did improve with every failure and every success. What was being done would always be a painful process.]
That doesn't surprise me. They do like to kill any members that think about leaving, but you won't go down easily or readily.
[He knew some of the inner workings of Talon by now, what with enough of their agents having jumped ship only to end up telling tales of being hunted and then disappearing. He had heard the policy before, and it made his skin crawl.
More of his test group survived then the others because it was the last group to go through before it was deemed too dangerous. It was all about unlocking genetic potential for the purpose of making them better fighting machines, enhancing them. Everyone reacted differently... but the pain was likely the same.]
Not sure how you've kept your sanity experiencing that all day every day.
The only way you leave Talon is in a coffin. [Some more forcibly with some internal skirmishes for power, and others just outright being greedy. Some genuinely finally seeing Talon for what it really was, but in too deep. Too late.
He flexed the fingers of the hand not holding the bottle-]
Gotten numb to it, just background noise. Makes it difficult to notice injuries unless they're really bad. [Like trying to move with a few broken ribs.] Real noticeable whenever I pull certain tricks of mine, too.
What a sad way to live and die. [He shook his head, and he finally took a sip from his bottle. It was amazing that Talon attracted any talent with such strict ideals where people couldn't grow so much as served until they were either too power hungry or no longer useful.
He swirled his bottle absently, tipping his head to look in Gabe's direction.] Always knew it bothered you, but never realized it was quite that bad. [Not sure how something that painful could be nothing more than background noise.]
Talon got good at portraying themselves as a group that wants to help the beaten down, give power to the weak- to help. [He knew damn well just how Talon worked, intimately these days.] They took advantage of people who lost everything to the Crisis, people Overwatch was too slow to get to.
There are those that genuinely think they're good.
[Others that had no where else to go, those that didn't care they were hurting people, just wanting the power, the thrill- everything that came with it.
His head tilted, glancing Jack over.] Not like I'd ever say shit otherwise.
You're not the only one that knows Talons tactics. We've had multiple meetings about it, and you and I both know there was no way to get to some of those people. We didn't have the resources. [He sighed and hung his head, taking another sip from his bottle. No matter how hard Overwatch had tried, it would always be seen by some as failing them.
He knew very well the type of people that Talon went after, some of whom Overwatch wouldn't have touched. Too dangerous, too reckless.]
I know. [And he did.] You always suffer in silence. Always have.
I know it by heart now, and have seen it more than enough times personally. [Wasn't just that they didn't have the resources. Didn't have the manpower.
Sure, Blackwatch pulled in some of the people Talon would have, but once shit went to hell they ended up there in the end anyway.
He had tried.]
Why drag other people in to my shit? [Unless he was drowning to the point he couldn't see a way out, and by then he felt it was too late. Who'd come?
Jack, apparently.] I'm not the only one suffering.
No one should have to deal with my shit on top of their own.
I've seen it enough time to know it just as well. Talon needs to be taken drop from the top, but it's going to take time, especially with how secretive they all are with who exists where and handling what. [Talon had been able to maximize compartmentalization, and even he had to be impressed by it.
He sipped from his bottle, setting his teeth to the rim as he cast his eyes towards Reyes. They were going to have one of those serious conversations that would go no where by morning, weren't they? The conversations that made little difference because they were so set in their ways by now.]
Because some people care about you, and they want to help you with said shit if they can.
[He waved a hand in the air dismissively.] And you always do that tactic too. The moment we talk about the depth of how much shit you're dealing with and suffering under the weight of, you drag other people in as if they suffering can match yours.
[He turned on the couch to look at Gabriel and glared.] Stop being dismissive. If I couldn't handle your shit on top of my own, I wouldn't ask. I can handle it. Maybe not back when it was really needed, but here and now... I can. You can talk to me, Gabriel.
There are people in certain areas even I don't have yet. Part of why I needed that list of names still in the computer. [Why he had dropped in on Winston, and hell if the Recall didn't make some known when they wanted to sell the information to Talon.
For once? There'd be no argumentative tone from Gabriel on the subject, just something low and so close to melancholic than anything else. No mood to argue, and the way the alcohol was going through him couldn't get up the type of energy for it either.
Eyes kept on his own bottle.]
Always had to bury my own shit to deal with something else, no time for it. Something else to be done, something more important than wallowing in my suffering.
[Unlike here.
Gaze lifted from his bottle to Jack, and he just looked... tired. Haggard. Dark circles obvious under his eyes, gaunt even.]
This doesn't surprise me at all. Compartmentalization is the Talon way, and they have somehow mastered it. Annoying when hunting them. [He wouldn't stoop to making a go at Overwatch agents without cause, many of whom were innocent and probably wouldn't appreciate the heart-attack of either of them crashing through their doors.
The lack of argument was basically a giant alarm bell for him, and he turned a bit on the couch so he was half-facing Gabriel. He was so used to things being brushed off and the stubbornness involved in that determined how bad it was. No argument? It was bad.
He knew the old rules of engagements. Both of them had been awful about sharing their shit at the end.
All the same, he met Gabe's gaze and frowned at the exhaustion he saw there. Not just physical, but... everything. Emotional and mental. It forced him to take a sip from his bottle to gather himself, and he made a purposeful effort to shift closer to Reyes on the couch.]
Talk to me, Gabe. [It was a request, not a demand. Leaving the door open, making himself available as he hadn't in years.]
With numerous shell companies and other tricks to hide behind. Almost better when all they wanted was money and power. [Obvious what they were gearing towards now, front row seat. Unfortunately Reyes didn't hold the same beliefs- the more actual Overwatch agents that saw him as the enemy? Likely the better.
Who knows, could save them.
Funny, he could take what he was doing. Didn't matter how far down he dug himself, there was at least a goal, some sort of distance between what he was doing and everything else. Acceptance and drive to keep going. A need for it.
Here he was basically being slingshotted back and fourth so out of his comfort zone and what had become normal that he barely knew what to do anymore. It was pathetic, but he was just so damn tired. Some hollow laugh, brief as the noise was.]
It was easier when I just growled and grunted at people until they left me alone. [Spent a few months like that, honestly.] Killed things for money, never stopped moving, kept as far from people as possible unless it was needed for some job or trip.
The old guard has changed and that means that the role that group will play also will change. You're going to be part of that change, whether you like it or not, even if you undermine their activities in your own way. [Reaper left such a strong impression, and Reyes was a brilliant tactician and had years of experience to tap into. Talon would go far even if it fell in the end.
He imagined that there was plenty that Reyes didn't tell anyone, kept to himself. He suspected it was only because it was Ana leaving that he had been called. They had suffered her loss together before, and they were doing it again now. It was as familiar as it was painful, even if the circumstances were all different and they weren't particularly the same men they had been the first time.
The laugh was a good tell where Gabriel was at in his mind.]
I know. We both know building connections is bad but necessary. They just cause pain and loss. [It was the military life. It was Overwatch life. It was life after Overwatch too. He supposed he was fortunate that he hadn't developed strong bonds to anyone.] It's an easier life, isn't it? Distant from everyone, but terribly isolating.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 08:25 pm (UTC)The problem with a man like Reyes was that he needed to be busy, and he figured this place was much the same for him. After all, he was one of the few that could claim to know many of Gabriel's habits and personality, could call what he might do next. Hell, it wouldn't surprise him to find the guy wounded and just hiding it; they had been doing that since they were twenty-one years old.
He nodded and let them drink together, the weight of old and new losses apparent.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 08:38 pm (UTC)[Read over anything that seemed important at least twenty-times over by now, to the point he'd had to stop going or else something would catch fire from his own frustration despite his control. The War. The Arehtei destroying everything in their madness from the use of emotion fueled weaponry corrupting them. Corrupting the entire world. Simpatheias sacrificing herself to save this island.
Thras and Daimonia no affected by the madness, thus both protecting and hiding their own cities. Their people. The other island being found. These artifacts being found. People going out to try and recover the lands and cities lost that belonged to the other Arehtei.
There was so much, and still so very few answers.
This was no existence for him. Tilted the bottle and his head back, finishing the entire bottle in one go like that, letting it drop as he fumbled for another.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 08:46 pm (UTC)[There was no point really dwelling on it, was there? According to everyone he had spoken to, there wasn't a rhyme or reason for people coming or going in this place. It was whoever had a lucky or unlucky number by this point.
While he should do his research, he just plain didn't yet. He wasn't feeling it. No, he finished off his second bottle and reached for a third, though he was definitely slower than Reyes. For the best, he was going to end up carrying the guy downstairs.]
You getting drunk yet? 'Cause you don't fumble much usually...
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 08:52 pm (UTC)Slid a bottle closer using the one he managed to grab so it was within Jack's reach, sitting back a little heavily with his own.]
You know that place where... everything is warm and light? Nice feeling, kind that makes you feel like you can do anything.
Gotten well in to that point. [Reyes was that kind of drunk. Knew he was, and didn't give a single fuck that he was.]
You?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 09:00 pm (UTC)[After four years, it might be understandable. He took the bottle that was slid to his hand, flipping the lid off of it and tossing it on the coffee table. He stretched his legs out under it and made himself comfortable.]
I haven't felt that since I was seventeen. [He could remember what it was like though. He wasn't that far along, being more conservative, but he was warm enough to perhaps be more talkative than he usually would be.] Snuck into the pub for dancing after getting to that place. Got much drunker than that after...
[He sipped his new bottle.] Just feeling warm. I'm in control.
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Date: 2019-08-31 09:14 pm (UTC)[At least they were both comfortable while drinking, even if only one of them was slowly moving towards trying to blackout from it.
Hummed a little, taking a bit longer to get the lid off his.. fourth? Fifth? Whatever, the latest bottle he'd grabbed. Took a little while to get it off, letting it bounced off the coffee table.]
Last time I got like this on something normal was the night before the first round of injections started, for the batch I was in. We all figured it was our last chance before possibly dying from whatever they were going to be putting in us. [Putting them through.] Worth it.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 09:17 pm (UTC)[He had never asked before, hadn't thought that it was worthwhile or possible. Now that he was warm and fuzzy on alcohol, he could push forward the questions that he would otherwise just hold his peace on.
He almost reached over to help Reyes open the next bottle, but the guy managed to get it before he could make it. No matter, they were set for a night now, and no going back.]
Oh yeah, first round where there was an expected critical mortality rate. No wonder you went out and got smashed. [He shook his head.] Did you pass out somewhere or were you good and make it back to base?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 09:29 pm (UTC)[Seemed simple; if he had a reason to want to stay, he'd chose to stay. Otherwise... what other reason would he have? That selfish part of him was at least somewhat reasonable.
Head tilted back, just holding on to that bottle.]
Did one better. Group of us went out in a few 'borrowed' cars and got as much as we could get, brought it all back. Partied it up in the Mess. [Young and dumb and not knowing who would live or die, so giving it one last go.] We all slept there, too.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 09:33 pm (UTC)[He was genuinely curious, which was actually rare for him these days. The life and times of Gabriel Reyes had always interested in for most of their lives together, save that dramatic and deadly parting they had shared. The freedom of alcohol meant he could have looser lips.
Of course they did. That was such a young person thing to do.] So you were all hung over for your first injections? I bet that was a great time.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 10:02 pm (UTC)[Well, he was being honest at least.
Finally he did take a sip from the bottle, smaller than the last few swings from the previous bottle had been.] Some of us were, some of us weren't because we know how to avoid a hangover well enough.
Honestly? I wish I'd been hungover, wouldn't have been as bad as that shit felt.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 10:11 pm (UTC)[He figured that Reyes would stay for people, friendships and even family he had formed here, but otherwise, the job, the missions were just filler. After all, they had a mission back home, so the ones here weren't any more pressing than there.
He nodded his head, remember his group of volunteers. Many of them had gone out drinking before the testing phase, but Jack had not. He'd been assigned watch duty that night, so he had to be sober.]
Felt like every fiber of your person was under pressure from all directions.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 10:19 pm (UTC)[No matter what some selfish part of him might want. It wouldn't matter the moment he did finally get sent back, wouldn't remember anything. Be like it never had happened, never even mattered at all.
Some had drank as much as they could out of fear, some because they wanted their possible last moment alive before it all started to be a damned memorable one- well. One that could have been thought of as something fun.]
Like blood was boiling and bones were melting.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 10:34 pm (UTC)[It wasn't even a case of old soldiers either. It was impossible to tell how much damage Reyes could take these days and if there was any kind of finality to the man anymore. He figured Moira might hazard a guess or two, but they weren't exactly on talking terms anymore.
He remembered the agony of it. First round of injections were bad, but the second were worse. He actually thought that he might actually die in the second round, and he had puked every fifteen minutes for four days straight after.]
Like you were being pulled apart from the inside out.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:03 pm (UTC)[Some sort of precaution, because there really was no denying just how dangerous he was, and how dangerous he could potentially be. Way he liked it, despite knowing it was a double-edged sword. All the more reason for no one to actively step on his toes whenever he did set down something.
The agony was hard to forget. SEP was rough, it was all so very experimental, an nothing was guaranteed, even if they did improve with every failure and every success. What was being done would always be a painful process.]
I get that feeling daily like this.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:08 pm (UTC)[He knew some of the inner workings of Talon by now, what with enough of their agents having jumped ship only to end up telling tales of being hunted and then disappearing. He had heard the policy before, and it made his skin crawl.
More of his test group survived then the others because it was the last group to go through before it was deemed too dangerous. It was all about unlocking genetic potential for the purpose of making them better fighting machines, enhancing them. Everyone reacted differently... but the pain was likely the same.]
Not sure how you've kept your sanity experiencing that all day every day.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:15 pm (UTC)He flexed the fingers of the hand not holding the bottle-]
Gotten numb to it, just background noise. Makes it difficult to notice injuries unless they're really bad. [Like trying to move with a few broken ribs.] Real noticeable whenever I pull certain tricks of mine, too.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:30 pm (UTC)He swirled his bottle absently, tipping his head to look in Gabe's direction.] Always knew it bothered you, but never realized it was quite that bad. [Not sure how something that painful could be nothing more than background noise.]
No wonder you went full dramatic edgelord.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:45 pm (UTC)There are those that genuinely think they're good.
[Others that had no where else to go, those that didn't care they were hurting people, just wanting the power, the thrill- everything that came with it.
His head tilted, glancing Jack over.] Not like I'd ever say shit otherwise.
[Another slow, small swig.]
Gotta cope somehow.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-31 11:55 pm (UTC)He knew very well the type of people that Talon went after, some of whom Overwatch wouldn't have touched. Too dangerous, too reckless.]
I know. [And he did.] You always suffer in silence. Always have.
[He sighed heavily.]
Always will, I expect.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-01 06:20 pm (UTC)Sure, Blackwatch pulled in some of the people Talon would have, but once shit went to hell they ended up there in the end anyway.
He had tried.]
Why drag other people in to my shit? [Unless he was drowning to the point he couldn't see a way out, and by then he felt it was too late. Who'd come?
Jack, apparently.] I'm not the only one suffering.
No one should have to deal with my shit on top of their own.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-01 06:30 pm (UTC)He sipped from his bottle, setting his teeth to the rim as he cast his eyes towards Reyes. They were going to have one of those serious conversations that would go no where by morning, weren't they? The conversations that made little difference because they were so set in their ways by now.]
Because some people care about you, and they want to help you with said shit if they can.
[He waved a hand in the air dismissively.] And you always do that tactic too. The moment we talk about the depth of how much shit you're dealing with and suffering under the weight of, you drag other people in as if they suffering can match yours.
[He turned on the couch to look at Gabriel and glared.] Stop being dismissive. If I couldn't handle your shit on top of my own, I wouldn't ask. I can handle it. Maybe not back when it was really needed, but here and now... I can. You can talk to me, Gabriel.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-01 09:55 pm (UTC)For once? There'd be no argumentative tone from Gabriel on the subject, just something low and so close to melancholic than anything else. No mood to argue, and the way the alcohol was going through him couldn't get up the type of energy for it either.
Eyes kept on his own bottle.]
Always had to bury my own shit to deal with something else, no time for it. Something else to be done, something more important than wallowing in my suffering.
[Unlike here.
Gaze lifted from his bottle to Jack, and he just looked... tired. Haggard. Dark circles obvious under his eyes, gaunt even.]
I'm tired, Jack.
[... Well it was something?]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-02 10:57 pm (UTC)The lack of argument was basically a giant alarm bell for him, and he turned a bit on the couch so he was half-facing Gabriel. He was so used to things being brushed off and the stubbornness involved in that determined how bad it was. No argument? It was bad.
He knew the old rules of engagements. Both of them had been awful about sharing their shit at the end.
All the same, he met Gabe's gaze and frowned at the exhaustion he saw there. Not just physical, but... everything. Emotional and mental. It forced him to take a sip from his bottle to gather himself, and he made a purposeful effort to shift closer to Reyes on the couch.]
Talk to me, Gabe. [It was a request, not a demand. Leaving the door open, making himself available as he hadn't in years.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-02 11:16 pm (UTC)Who knows, could save them.
Funny, he could take what he was doing. Didn't matter how far down he dug himself, there was at least a goal, some sort of distance between what he was doing and everything else. Acceptance and drive to keep going. A need for it.
Here he was basically being slingshotted back and fourth so out of his comfort zone and what had become normal that he barely knew what to do anymore. It was pathetic, but he was just so damn tired. Some hollow laugh, brief as the noise was.]
It was easier when I just growled and grunted at people until they left me alone. [Spent a few months like that, honestly.] Killed things for money, never stopped moving, kept as far from people as possible unless it was needed for some job or trip.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-03 04:36 pm (UTC)He imagined that there was plenty that Reyes didn't tell anyone, kept to himself. He suspected it was only because it was Ana leaving that he had been called. They had suffered her loss together before, and they were doing it again now. It was as familiar as it was painful, even if the circumstances were all different and they weren't particularly the same men they had been the first time.
The laugh was a good tell where Gabriel was at in his mind.]
I know. We both know building connections is bad but necessary. They just cause pain and loss. [It was the military life. It was Overwatch life. It was life after Overwatch too. He supposed he was fortunate that he hadn't developed strong bonds to anyone.] It's an easier life, isn't it? Distant from everyone, but terribly isolating.
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