The pollen at least used what was actually there rather than creating something fake.
[Well that was telling again, but Gabriel didn't linger on what those words meant, what he'd said in them. Wasn't the point of it all, wasn't the worst this place could do. The pollen was mild- hell, even if it had been other people it could have implanted fake emotions.
But with him they'd been very real, no matter how deep he'd buried them over the years out of necessity.]
It was left up to Otherworlders because Otherworlders were who fought and caught her in the first place. Who went and raided the place they had holed up in and who even helped find them in the first place. [The natives of this place asked Otherworlders to help a lot, as did the Arehtei, like they were some saviors.] There are too many here who don't know you can't save everyone. Don't want to believe it.
First time something like this had to be decided on, hopefully they saw their mistake in it.
[There was a snort.] You really want to hear the shit here?
That's true... it just brought everything long buried back to the surface. Never thought I'd ever be put in the position to love again.
[It was true that making someone feel something false would be far worse, but the exposure to the pollen had certainly complicated things for them as well. It wasn't as if they planned on confessing or kissing each other as they had. It was clear that something far worse could have happened, that they had gotten off lucky.
He didn't quite care the reason as to why it was left up to the otherworlder's because that decision was plainly and clearly wrong. Whatever their contributions, they weren't part of this world, and most people couldn't understand or fathom possible long-term consequences. After all... not everyone was forgiving for sparing a life. It could be considered weakness or dishonourable.]
There are arm-chair generals in every place, but this is ridiculous. Let's hope that choice doesn't end up getting a bunch of people killed in future.
[He looked over at Gabe and shrugged his shoulders.] You can talk about whatever you want. This is your bitch sessions. I'm here to listen and hold your hair out of your face when you get too drunk.
Can say the same, honestly. Fact it's even still there means we never really stopped.
[It was a distant sort of observation, state he was in partially emotionally detached from the moment as it was. Neither had stopped caring or loving, even if it wasn't exactly to amount that pollen had amped it up to. Warm and all as it had been in the moment.
Awkward as the moment had left them, they'd at least talked over it after. Came to something and.. well. Got to the point he felt like he could reach out to Jack to just call him over for something like this. More than what he'd thought would be there again.]
They're going to have to learn to hard way, how easily thinking like that can and will get people killed. [Or worse, because there was always something worse than death. Especially in a place like this.
He snorted a bit.] Too damn tired and worn from it all to bitch too much about all the shit this place has gone and done with me for long.
No. [He took a long swig from his bottle, taking nearly a quarter of it down and then rolling it between his hands.] Never stopped, just buried it. [Last part said so very soft.
He had thought he had buried it deep enough many years ago, coping with Reyes' death in the only way that he could at the time. Then when it wasn't a real death, he had been so full of his usual focused aggression that there had never been time to think long or hard about his own emotional state before coming here. Then it had been another fight.
At least they had talked eventually. They had managed to come together, foster up enough reasonableness between the two of them to hold a conversation. And now they were amicable enough that Gabriel felt he call on Jack when the going was so damn rough on them both. He appreciated it, honestly he did.
It had been so very long since anyone felt they could rely on him.]
Learning the hard way just makes people better and asking all the silly questions of 'how could this have happened?'. Taking responsibility is harder.
[He looked at Reyes, meeting the man's gaze if he could catch it.] Then you can talk to me about anything. I'm here with you tonight.
Before he was taking a long drink from that freshly opened bottle in his own hand. Hadn't been room for it, so he felt, with how things had been falling apart for the both of them. Even if it was still so very much there even when the building fell. Couldn't keep hold of it with what it all meant for him. Buried it along with who he was when he decided his path.
Sinking deep in to Talon, knowing he had an in. Carefully giving only so much to be that painted picture of himself most of the world had wanted of him. Twisted with anger and bitterness. An easy role to fall in to, was all there even if the reasons were kept far more close to his chest.
Jack fucking Morrison was a part of him, always had been since they met and always would be no matter what he felt he needed to do and be. His own anger burned deep, his own hurt. It felt right to rely on him. Fell in to place as if it had just been waiting.]
A lot harder. It's needed, though.
[It was caught, some huff of a noise escaping him.] I need you here with me.
[It was amazing they could rehash this again, the help of alcohol keeping things fresh at least. He was trying to imagine what this hellscape would have done with such emotions and their natural inclination to put off personal feelings for years and years. It no doubt would have had a field-day and it was all the better no one had been there to experience it like that.
Back home, he wouldn't say there was any room for it any longer. They were on different - but the same - mission. It wasn't as if they met again after their little scene in Cairo. Who knew what the end result of that mission would be either.
He was still getting used to the idea that Reyes might call on him. So many years struggling on his own, wandering alone, performing old tasks by himself with only the company of old pictures, and he was a gruff old bastard who hadn't considered the possibility anyone would rely on him anymore.
That it was Reyes wasn't nearly as puzzling; they had always been thick as thieves together. It wasn't even the romantic aspect either. From the moment they met in the SEP barracks to the point where everything fell down around them, he had always liked Reyes. Sure, the guy drove him crazy, but who wouldn't after thirty years working around each other?
This... almost felt natural.
He nodded his head, expecting no other explanation than that. He understood.] Well, I'm here. Let's drink to that, shall we? [He held out his bottle like they should toast together.]
[It was almost a novel concept to trust someone from home like this again; someone that knew his name, his face, his history with every single context clue that was actually available to them. Most of those he couldn't trust anymore; was either dead, a traitor, or a colleague in a terrorist organization that he knew better than to trust at all for the most part.
There was some necessary trust, knowing the personalities of them. Watching quietly, observing, everything he'd always done even while working with people he didn't like. Fully capable of it.
Of course it would be Jack being the familiar face he fell back in to feeling like he could trust in such a way as this. No one knew ho to deal with him an his shit better. No matter how frustrating the man could be, with how much history they had together it was just... there.
He lifted his own bottle, knocking it against the one Jack had held out. A clink of glass-] You're here.
[76 knew that, aside from Jesse McCree and himself, there was no one left who knew Gabriel Reyes so well. He knew the tells, knew when something as simple as a quiet presence was necessary to keep the brain worms at bay for a little bit. He knew the Reyes who smiled, who snarled, who made brilliant and terrible decisions, who had found somewhat of a life here and knew at any moment it could be stripped away.
He knew what it cost Reyes to lose everyone. He knew what it cost Reyes to call him in. He knew that the night would be long for them both. Nights like these always were.
Still, he could appreciate the quiet 'clink' of their bottles together, and it might very well the closest they managed to a real call back to the old days. Once the toast was sealed, he lifted the bottle to his lips and drank for him, limiting himself.
He hummed low in his throat and let them get on with the real drinking then.]
[And McCree was already dealing with his own shit, even if pulling up out of his own misery enough to go out rather than spending all of his time in the farmhouse as he had early on. Wasn't going to drag him in to this mess, even as he too had every reason to miss Ana. There as enough of a difference to let him have his own rather than some battle of misery.
Even if it wouldn't really be that.
At the very least Gabriel didn't kill the bottle. Just drained a quarter of it before sinking back. Eating a little more, but drinking far more.
At least he might not get himself sick, but there was a lot more drinking to come.]
Edited (sshhhhhhhh) Date: 2019-09-10 06:50 am (UTC)
[They were all dealing with their own shit, some more than others. There was no problem with that in his mind. Everyone had something on the mind. He also knew that Reyes was the type to hide his own issues by convincing himself that everyone else's required more attention and care. Just the way the guy was.
So, they drank. And they nibbled on food. There was no hurry. The night deepened and they became blessedly drunker.]
[Why add his own problems on top of someone else's? Already dealing with something and it simply felt... Well, always felt like it was better to keep his troubles to himself rather than drag someone through his shit on top of their own. Suffering as it was, always took prodding to get him to say anything about his shit, probably always would.
Reason he suffered his own shit alone. Always, until someone pried it out of him.
At least everything was taken care of already, and at most dogs wandered or laid down nearby as they drank and ate. Some quiet company during it all.]
[So they drank and they ate. There were points of chatting, but they were equally comfortable in the silence between them as well, an age old thing that he hadn't particularly experienced with someone who knew him so well in a very long time.
He drank slower, and he was warm and pliable with the drink by the time Reyes had hit that stage of black-out drunk, sagging in the couch and head lulling forward. When he could push the older man over without any complaint, he knew it was time. With a mutter to himself, he hauled himself off of the couch and pulled Reyes up with him.
He slipped Gabe's across his shoulders and slowly dragged them both to the stairs that led to the basement. It was only on the stairs that he realized with a snort of unexplained amusement how drunk he was. He stumbled, nearly tumbled them both, but he managed to walk them safely to the bottom to the nice cool spot.
Gabriel went down to the bed on the floor, and he had enough good sense to make certain that the older man was laid on his side on the off-chance there would be vomit. In his attempt to stand up, he just tangled in the blankets and fell forwards. He issued a low grunting laugh, trying to find his way out of the new predicament and sort of half gave up after untangling his legs.
A little rest. Nothing more than a minute or two. God Gabriel was warm. And safe.
Gotta get up. Gotta get outside. Gotta do a lot of things.]
[Gabriel wasn't much help getting down those stairs at that point, and enough luck was on their side there were no dogs or cats getting underfoot all the while. No, most of them were asleep at that point, and the house was quiet itself other than- well. Normal night noises that came from living out in the country, nothing to pollute that for miles around.
Did sink down like a sack of rocks on that bed, easy enough to get comfortable and sink in to the softness that was the mattress on the floor. All of those pillows and blankets spread out to make it look so much better than it was. Didn't matter there was no bed frame or any of that.
The hundreds of jewel like raindrop 'beads' that hung along the basement's ceiling swayed, creating a sound like soft rain. A white noise despite how sound proofed the room was, made it all feel so damn cozy.
Couldn't help the way he tucked up against Jack, still on his side, but he sought him out even in that drunken state. Some incoherent mumble of something, but Reyes was comfortable. Didn't want to move, and naturally went for the warmth of another body so close to him. One he was familiar with.
Knew was safe around, no matter anything else. Nothing in the way of it.]
[Laying there on the blankets and mattress, warm alcohol filtering through his blood and brain, and Jack thought he could actually sleep. There was the little tinkle of rain overhead, a common white noise sound that brought a sensation of familiar comfort to him.
Gabriel was quick to ease into the limited space that had been between them, covering the distance easily. It had been a very, very long time since he had rested next to another person (well, one that as alive anyway), and Reyes came with such a warm press of familiar that he relaxed as his mental urging of 'get up' slowly faded away.
He instead reached back for an arm to wrap it around his belly and clasp it with a hand. He was in a drunken haze of sleep within seconds, a low sigh leaving him. He was out like a light, warmth at his back, white noise of rain above him. This was safe. This was natural.
Jack woke with a start in the early hours of the morning, crushed in against Gabe's chest behind him, a sour taste in his mouth and a very unfamiliar sleeping spot. He looked around, confused at first until he realized he had collapsed and fallen asleep in Gabe's bed. Shit!
Reyes was still sleeping off the alcohol. The warm comfort was still there, the opportunity to go back to sleep. The growing prickle of paranoia walked its way up his neck, and that was motivation enough to drag himself from the mattress to his feet and stumble away. He stopped at the stairs leading to the main body of the house and looked back then looked up then around. Familiarizing himself.
Then he walked up the stairs, gathered his things and fled from the house.]
[Even if Gabriel didn't usually sleep, the white noise was soothing; even while he worked at the bench on the other side of the room. A good place to be when peace was needed, reason why he had claimed the basement as his and his alone. It and his attic work room were his sanctuaries in all of this, the attic for creativity and... the basement for what he passed off as 'rest' for himself.
It was a black and dreamless sleep once he let himself sink in to it, that arm kept wrapped around Jack without a fuss. No desire to move even before he was out like a drunken light, warm and... safe.
He remained asleep after Jack departed, unaware of anything that had happened. The dogs had come down to take up the spot the other man had occupied, no way of knowing that he'd slept through the night with that warmth replaced.
First time in years he sleeps in, only rising some hours later to... go about his business without knowing. Get ready to go back to the warehouse base and finish the needed cleaning after finishing all other morning tasks.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 03:22 am (UTC)[Well that was telling again, but Gabriel didn't linger on what those words meant, what he'd said in them. Wasn't the point of it all, wasn't the worst this place could do. The pollen was mild- hell, even if it had been other people it could have implanted fake emotions.
But with him they'd been very real, no matter how deep he'd buried them over the years out of necessity.]
It was left up to Otherworlders because Otherworlders were who fought and caught her in the first place. Who went and raided the place they had holed up in and who even helped find them in the first place. [The natives of this place asked Otherworlders to help a lot, as did the Arehtei, like they were some saviors.] There are too many here who don't know you can't save everyone. Don't want to believe it.
First time something like this had to be decided on, hopefully they saw their mistake in it.
[There was a snort.] You really want to hear the shit here?
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 03:37 am (UTC)[It was true that making someone feel something false would be far worse, but the exposure to the pollen had certainly complicated things for them as well. It wasn't as if they planned on confessing or kissing each other as they had. It was clear that something far worse could have happened, that they had gotten off lucky.
He didn't quite care the reason as to why it was left up to the otherworlder's because that decision was plainly and clearly wrong. Whatever their contributions, they weren't part of this world, and most people couldn't understand or fathom possible long-term consequences. After all... not everyone was forgiving for sparing a life. It could be considered weakness or dishonourable.]
There are arm-chair generals in every place, but this is ridiculous. Let's hope that choice doesn't end up getting a bunch of people killed in future.
[He looked over at Gabe and shrugged his shoulders.] You can talk about whatever you want. This is your bitch sessions. I'm here to listen and hold your hair out of your face when you get too drunk.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 03:48 am (UTC)[It was a distant sort of observation, state he was in partially emotionally detached from the moment as it was. Neither had stopped caring or loving, even if it wasn't exactly to amount that pollen had amped it up to. Warm and all as it had been in the moment.
Awkward as the moment had left them, they'd at least talked over it after. Came to something and.. well. Got to the point he felt like he could reach out to Jack to just call him over for something like this. More than what he'd thought would be there again.]
They're going to have to learn to hard way, how easily thinking like that can and will get people killed. [Or worse, because there was always something worse than death. Especially in a place like this.
He snorted a bit.] Too damn tired and worn from it all to bitch too much about all the shit this place has gone and done with me for long.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 04:15 am (UTC)He had thought he had buried it deep enough many years ago, coping with Reyes' death in the only way that he could at the time. Then when it wasn't a real death, he had been so full of his usual focused aggression that there had never been time to think long or hard about his own emotional state before coming here. Then it had been another fight.
At least they had talked eventually. They had managed to come together, foster up enough reasonableness between the two of them to hold a conversation. And now they were amicable enough that Gabriel felt he call on Jack when the going was so damn rough on them both. He appreciated it, honestly he did.
It had been so very long since anyone felt they could rely on him.]
Learning the hard way just makes people better and asking all the silly questions of 'how could this have happened?'. Taking responsibility is harder.
[He looked at Reyes, meeting the man's gaze if he could catch it.] Then you can talk to me about anything. I'm here with you tonight.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 04:41 am (UTC)Before he was taking a long drink from that freshly opened bottle in his own hand. Hadn't been room for it, so he felt, with how things had been falling apart for the both of them. Even if it was still so very much there even when the building fell. Couldn't keep hold of it with what it all meant for him. Buried it along with who he was when he decided his path.
Sinking deep in to Talon, knowing he had an in. Carefully giving only so much to be that painted picture of himself most of the world had wanted of him. Twisted with anger and bitterness. An easy role to fall in to, was all there even if the reasons were kept far more close to his chest.
Jack fucking Morrison was a part of him, always had been since they met and always would be no matter what he felt he needed to do and be. His own anger burned deep, his own hurt. It felt right to rely on him. Fell in to place as if it had just been waiting.]
A lot harder. It's needed, though.
[It was caught, some huff of a noise escaping him.] I need you here with me.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-08 04:07 pm (UTC)Back home, he wouldn't say there was any room for it any longer. They were on different - but the same - mission. It wasn't as if they met again after their little scene in Cairo. Who knew what the end result of that mission would be either.
He was still getting used to the idea that Reyes might call on him. So many years struggling on his own, wandering alone, performing old tasks by himself with only the company of old pictures, and he was a gruff old bastard who hadn't considered the possibility anyone would rely on him anymore.
That it was Reyes wasn't nearly as puzzling; they had always been thick as thieves together. It wasn't even the romantic aspect either. From the moment they met in the SEP barracks to the point where everything fell down around them, he had always liked Reyes. Sure, the guy drove him crazy, but who wouldn't after thirty years working around each other?
This... almost felt natural.
He nodded his head, expecting no other explanation than that. He understood.] Well, I'm here. Let's drink to that, shall we? [He held out his bottle like they should toast together.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-09 12:44 am (UTC)There was some necessary trust, knowing the personalities of them. Watching quietly, observing, everything he'd always done even while working with people he didn't like. Fully capable of it.
Of course it would be Jack being the familiar face he fell back in to feeling like he could trust in such a way as this. No one knew ho to deal with him an his shit better. No matter how frustrating the man could be, with how much history they had together it was just... there.
He lifted his own bottle, knocking it against the one Jack had held out. A clink of glass-] You're here.
[Taking a long swig after that. Cheers enough.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 05:32 am (UTC)He knew what it cost Reyes to lose everyone. He knew what it cost Reyes to call him in. He knew that the night would be long for them both. Nights like these always were.
Still, he could appreciate the quiet 'clink' of their bottles together, and it might very well the closest they managed to a real call back to the old days. Once the toast was sealed, he lifted the bottle to his lips and drank for him, limiting himself.
He hummed low in his throat and let them get on with the real drinking then.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 06:07 am (UTC)Even if it wouldn't really be that.
At the very least Gabriel didn't kill the bottle. Just drained a quarter of it before sinking back. Eating a little more, but drinking far more.
At least he might not get himself sick, but there was a lot more drinking to come.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 01:24 pm (UTC)So, they drank. And they nibbled on food. There was no hurry. The night deepened and they became blessedly drunker.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 02:04 pm (UTC)Reason he suffered his own shit alone. Always, until someone pried it out of him.
At least everything was taken care of already, and at most dogs wandered or laid down nearby as they drank and ate. Some quiet company during it all.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-11 03:02 am (UTC)He drank slower, and he was warm and pliable with the drink by the time Reyes had hit that stage of black-out drunk, sagging in the couch and head lulling forward. When he could push the older man over without any complaint, he knew it was time. With a mutter to himself, he hauled himself off of the couch and pulled Reyes up with him.
He slipped Gabe's across his shoulders and slowly dragged them both to the stairs that led to the basement. It was only on the stairs that he realized with a snort of unexplained amusement how drunk he was. He stumbled, nearly tumbled them both, but he managed to walk them safely to the bottom to the nice cool spot.
Gabriel went down to the bed on the floor, and he had enough good sense to make certain that the older man was laid on his side on the off-chance there would be vomit. In his attempt to stand up, he just tangled in the blankets and fell forwards. He issued a low grunting laugh, trying to find his way out of the new predicament and sort of half gave up after untangling his legs.
A little rest. Nothing more than a minute or two. God Gabriel was warm. And safe.
Gotta get up. Gotta get outside. Gotta do a lot of things.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-11 03:39 am (UTC)Did sink down like a sack of rocks on that bed, easy enough to get comfortable and sink in to the softness that was the mattress on the floor. All of those pillows and blankets spread out to make it look so much better than it was. Didn't matter there was no bed frame or any of that.
The hundreds of jewel like raindrop 'beads' that hung along the basement's ceiling swayed, creating a sound like soft rain. A white noise despite how sound proofed the room was, made it all feel so damn cozy.
Couldn't help the way he tucked up against Jack, still on his side, but he sought him out even in that drunken state. Some incoherent mumble of something, but Reyes was comfortable. Didn't want to move, and naturally went for the warmth of another body so close to him. One he was familiar with.
Knew was safe around, no matter anything else. Nothing in the way of it.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-11 04:22 am (UTC)Gabriel was quick to ease into the limited space that had been between them, covering the distance easily. It had been a very, very long time since he had rested next to another person (well, one that as alive anyway), and Reyes came with such a warm press of familiar that he relaxed as his mental urging of 'get up' slowly faded away.
He instead reached back for an arm to wrap it around his belly and clasp it with a hand. He was in a drunken haze of sleep within seconds, a low sigh leaving him. He was out like a light, warmth at his back, white noise of rain above him. This was safe. This was natural.
Jack woke with a start in the early hours of the morning, crushed in against Gabe's chest behind him, a sour taste in his mouth and a very unfamiliar sleeping spot. He looked around, confused at first until he realized he had collapsed and fallen asleep in Gabe's bed. Shit!
Reyes was still sleeping off the alcohol. The warm comfort was still there, the opportunity to go back to sleep. The growing prickle of paranoia walked its way up his neck, and that was motivation enough to drag himself from the mattress to his feet and stumble away. He stopped at the stairs leading to the main body of the house and looked back then looked up then around. Familiarizing himself.
Then he walked up the stairs, gathered his things and fled from the house.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-11 04:57 am (UTC)It was a black and dreamless sleep once he let himself sink in to it, that arm kept wrapped around Jack without a fuss. No desire to move even before he was out like a drunken light, warm and... safe.
He remained asleep after Jack departed, unaware of anything that had happened. The dogs had come down to take up the spot the other man had occupied, no way of knowing that he'd slept through the night with that warmth replaced.
First time in years he sleeps in, only rising some hours later to... go about his business without knowing. Get ready to go back to the warehouse base and finish the needed cleaning after finishing all other morning tasks.]