dadication | Open Post

His chest hurt, and he couldn't tell if it was because of his lung or his heart, an ache that had settled there deep. A hand pressed firmly over his mouth, curled up as small as he could get himself, even if it was as slowly as possible, trying damned hard to keep it to himself. Mostly because he could feel the tears welling up, starting to fall.

Some silent break down, or one he was trying to keep silent even that lock down of emotions.

It took him longer than usual due to the firm hold one another had on the bond to realize that something was happening with Reyes. He looked over after a moment, and something leaked through thanks to years of knowing one another's body language. Gabriel wasn't right, and at first, he hesitated going over, closing the gap.

Eventually, his need to keep his bond safe and worry after him drew him from where he was on the wall, and he hesitantly reached out to set a hand on Gabe's shoulder. Testing for reaction.

Didn't even register the hand on his shoulder at first, the subtle trembling better felt than seen, some tenseness that ran through him entirely. Hard as he was fighting to keep the trouble to himself, tasting blood and as far as he knew it could be from the hand over his mouth than anywhere from his throat or lungs.

Once the weight on his shoulder was noticed? Gabriel's own hand moved over it, nails digging a bit but only due to how tightly the hold seemed to be. As if afraid it would leave if his hold loosened.

He waited for a moment, uncertain if he should move closer or stay at his distance. Then Gabe's hand rose and grasped his, feeling the nails digging into his flesh. He made a soft broken sound and immediately shifted his body closer. The tremble, the tightness, the locked down bond...

He nestled in against Gabe's back, having to put his broken hand above his head so he had room to set his chest to the older man's back, hand squeezing what little comfort he could offer.

Needed Jack as much as he was needed in turn, but he refused to let up on that lock down out of the irrational thought and feeling of it all being unwanted. Even knowing that, worn thin and frayed as they both were, wouldn't lift it. Didn't let go of that hand either. Even if he didn't, couldn't relax with the sudden weight and warmth against his back.

Just continued as Gabriel still forced himself in to that silence.

He remained there, settling in against Gabe's back, shifting to find a comfortable spot with his ripped sutured wound laying on the bedding. It was bleeding again, but it was contained now against the bedding they would burn. He kept his own link closed, aware of the suffering that would pass between them if they released the pressure valve of their emotions. It would be a mess.

It already was a mess. He and Gabriel cried so in often and yet, here they were again. He waited, offering the little comfort his presence could offer like this. He pressed his forehead carefully to the back of Gabe's neck, breathing the other man in.

Hiding from each other through the ink emotionally always made things worse, made it feel disconnected and lonely even if the rest of their bond was there. Alone in their own misery without any sort of relief or emotional presence to even begin soothing it. Cut off.

Gabriel still smelled of blood, ash, and sweat all mixed together, some undertone of the sterile nature of what bandaging there was on him. Only the areas that needed stitching and wrapping held that scent. A tug to Jack's hand, as if some silent plea for more than just keeping it there on his shoulder, hand trembling more from the movement.

It made things worse, and yet they still did it to each other when angry and suffered the consequences. He ached from the separation, paired with the sheer idea that when they healed enough, Gabriel might separate from him.

Slowly, his hand shifted, sliding down Gabriel's chest carefully before tucking under the opposite arm, holding the other back in return. Little-by-little, he tentatively opened his side of the link to feel for Reyes, to get a better sense of what was wrong, not that he would get much if Gabriel was still locked down. His nose carefully nuzzled the back of Gabe's neck.

Stubbornness and pride, something neither of them could really break from the habit of when tempers flared and got the best of common sense- and then not wanting the other to hurt more from feeling it from the other side as well. A vicious circle that would have been worked out by now if they'd been able to use normal means.

Like this? They couldn't.

Fingers gripped Jack's arm and held it there once it settled across his chest, as if to help hold him close that way. At least when he felt the tentative reach from the bond he opened up his ended a little; the smallest bit of pain, and so much more still held back. No flooding, whatever he could do to prevent that.

They seemed to be pushed so far for once that they shut down on each other. While the bond was mostly closed, he felt a small sense of relief that they were physically together, the grip of Gabe's fingers on his arm reassuring. It meant he could stay, should stay so he did. Eventually, they would break the cycle, but it was likely to come with many missteps until then. After all, they were both hurt, exhausted and worn down.

A little was better than nothing, and it was a relief to have some sense of Gabe other than 'alive'. Pain was something that was a constant in their link right now. It simply mingled with his own, which partially snuck through their bit of open link.

He closed his eyes, resting there at the end of the bed with Gabriel. Existing. That's about all they could manage at this point.

The both of them had burned out to the point they couldn't think of anything more to do other than shutdown. Frayed and at their wits end with so many things still seeming to bury them deeper, even if they were out of the wreckage of their life's work together. Neither of them had been pushed this far, or had been so emotionally hurt to have letting a fight cut so deep.

Pain and exhaustion swirled together from Gabriel's end, so very slowly as even then it become too much to keep it on full lockdown. Still no flood, but with the physical pain came that deep emotional hurt as well. Even a touch was enough to explain why he was so worn down that he was forcing himself in to silent sobs rather than just letting go completely. Worry and anxiety.

Clung to Jack's arm like it was a lifeline, the other still forced over his mouth to silence noises. Breath hitching, even shallow. Didn't want to let go of Jack.

Jack wasn't certain how long it would take them to recover, if they ever would completely. Right now, it was all about survival, running on what little adrenaline that they had left and even then, they would take any and all perceived slights to the extreme. Desperate to take care of each other, desperate to stay together but still riling the other up at the same time. They had lost everything but each other, but they had both completely unraveled as well.

The more he was slowly exposed to Gabriel's pain and exhaustion, the more he allowed his own to peek through, forcing himself to give instead of hiding it. He would feel terrible if he overwhelmed Reyes, but the whole current battle was because he was hiding, unwilling to allow treatment or care unless unable to stop it from happening. He forced himself back into that give and take modality.

He remained at Gabriel's back, arm tucked tight and supportive. His other hand was useless at this point so he could only nuzzle and be there as the older man cried near silent. A broken man. They both were. He began to hum a low tune, trying a different mode of comfort than usual. It worked for his ma, so why not for him, right? Humming was soothing.

Would take time and effort on both their parts, but some things would never heal, while others had every chance to do so. They'd get through it, together, even if there were bumps and rough patches, would pull through it.

There wasn't much lower that Gabriel could go at least, the second time he had broken down when the last it had ever pushed him to this point had been years and years ago. At least with this they wouldn't feel so alone, even if physically it was clear, and there was something better about no longer holding it all back. The lock down lifted completely, all of it there to be felt between the both of them.

At the very least, after a while, Gabriel did start to relax; slowly but surely. Sunk back against Jack, that grip on his arm never leaving.

They had never failed to heal on some level, and they do so again. Physically, they would come out of this with scars, but they would come back to their usual physicality as well. Mentally and emotionally were different scars, and he knew that they would leave their invisible marks on them no matter how much he and Gabe might try to pass it off. It would take time, and there would be plenty of missteps like what they were doing to each other in this room.

He held his bond close, offering a physical comfort while Gabe cried himself out for a second time. He didn't join in, but he knew that it was likely he'd have his own breakdown in future. For now it was Gabriel's turn and he was there to help the older man through it, his arm remaining tight and steely in support.

When the lock down on their link was lifted completely, he felt a nauseating wave of grief, pain, and isolation. It was so similar to his own that he hesitated in opening himself completely but in the end, he decided it would be best for them both if the emotions flowed freely between them again. His own emotions came with an undertone of anger and fear.

He lay there with Gabriel, refusing to move away for as long as his bond needed him.

They'd get through it all the same, for each other.

Gabriel needed Jack, even if he couldn't voice it that solid grip on his arm was enough to show how much he was needed. How much he was wanted right there with him, no matter what had been said or done earlier. Even while it felt like the tears wouldn't stop, how much his chest hurt from the silent sobs, trembling under the force of it all on top of how injured he was.

What came from Jack's end was expected at least; knew he was angry and afraid. Gabriel was as well, that own anger and frustration mixed in with all of it, rocked by it all and at least not holding it all in. Letting their emotions mix in that turbulent mess that the both of them were.

Holding that much tighter on to Jack, a sound finally escaping and it was just a sob that nearly choked him.

Jack knew. No words were necessary for him to know that Gabriel needed him because the reverse was true for him. He shifted his face carefully so that he could come to rest his cheek into the curve of Gabe's neck, buffered by that shoulder, using it to hook his chin. They were bonded; they would always find relief, support and love in that link that they shared together.

While Gabe sobbed silently, trembling in his grip, he remained the strong one, remained supportive and solid. He held on, refusing to leave, aware that eventually, the reverse of this situation would come to pass.

And their emotions ran and bled together, and there was relief in that. Their emotions ebbed and flowed together, and he tried to hold it together in the face of them. He forced himself to stay open, to allow Reyes to know the bright spots of pain not only on his person but emotionally. Let one another share their burdens.

"Let it all out," he whispered. "Let it go. You'll feel more exhausted but better all the same. I'm here with you."

In the end, even before when they had to steal time, they would find a way to come back together in the end of all things. No matter the argument caused by stress, pressure on either end, they always tried to support the other. Be there when they could, and even no proved no different, even if now it was enough to crush them.

It was too much and everything that was needed all at once, but Gabriel didn't allow himself to lock back down either. The frustrations born of so many reasons, the helplessness caused by Jack denying to let him help, let him do anything to help, brushing each attempt off- and the hurt when that was tied to anger, the freshness of that flowing along with that caused by what led them to where they were now.

For the first time Gabriel allowed himself to audibly sob, even if that hand remained over his mouth. No longer biting in to his own palm and drawing more blood to silence himself, listening and letting it all out. Exhausting himself with it until he was once more silent, breathing still a bit erratic, but no where nearly as bad.

That hold on Jack's arm never let go all the while.

Edited 2019-07-23 15:23 (UTC)

Jack wanted to believe this was a hiccup, that their exhaustion pushed them to extremes that wouldn't hold up when they were more reasonable. He needed to believe that Gabriel wouldn't leave him, not after all they had been through, not with that hand gripping his arm like Gabe might well take it off if he tried to withdraw. There was no chance that he would even try.

They had lost everything except each other or so it felt like.

As Gabriel sobbed, he listened to those sounds. They reminded him of last night when they had both broken down, how they had cried on each other. He hugged Reyes tighter, supporting and comforting as he could. He knew they would have to wrap that hand that Gabe had been biting, but now was not the time to bring anything of the like up. Just let Gabriel cry himself out.

"Do you want to sleep now?"

"Will you stay?"

His voice sounded worse than it had when they'd crawled out of the rubble in a way, grip tightening on Jack's arm as if he were afraid he'd leave. Tired as he was, left room for that little bit of fear to dig in. Vulnerable in the state where he'd finally managed to cry himself out.

Hoping it was a hiccup, one that might happen while they were both so hurt and at such a state where the tiniest thing could set them off. No matter how badly they wanted to take care of each other, protect. The best of intentions but the most frayed of nerves.

Gabe sounded awful, but crying always seemed to do that. He nuzzled the side of the older man's neck and sighed at the question. There was no way he could leave now; Gabriel needed him more than ever. "I will stay with you, yes. Think you should sleep since you sound exhausted."

There was no room to sneak out to do what he felt he needed to. No, this had to be them sticking together. He put the idea of revenge for what was happening aside for the time being, resting behind Gabe and trying to comfort the older man. He added a kiss to the side of Gabe's neck, tightening his hold so it was clear he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'll watch over you."

Felt he had to ask, like if he didn't no matter how illogical the thought was, the moment he was out Jack would be gone. Still clung, a twist of it could even be felt through the connection with how open it was. Vulnerable with the only person he could ever be that way with and still feel safe—

"I don't know if I can." Sleep.

No matter how physically tired he was, no matter how mentally and emotionally exhausted all of the crying and letting it out had been. He would no doubt, there was no winning what wasn't even a fight against sleep after all. Still, Gabriel didn't know if he could.

With the bond open and passing back and forth their degraded emotional state, there was no way that he could up and pull himself away. He had a habit of sticking close to Gabriel after missions where their link had to be locked down, and this was no different. If anything, sticking close was even more necessary because he thought he would come completely unraveled if their bond shut down again.

"Rest then," he murmured as a compromise. "We are going to have to be ready and leave in about eight hours."

He suspected that Gabriel would eventually sleep, maybe not long but sleep enough to recover some energy. He also suspected he would as well, though the moment he moved his broken hand or wrist, he'd be awake and unhappy all over again.

"Gotta hit up a drug store," because going through what they needed to do after they left was all he could think to do. Even as he kept that hold on Jack's arm, Gabriel as tucked back against his chest as possible. "Get some sort of clothing before that- can't keep running with just what's left of our clothing and EMT jackets," his voice was shot, like it hurt to speak, but there he was.

Breathing a little better at the very least? It was something. "Snag some ride- motorcycle... probably best."

Was going to drift off in to unconsciousness even while he spoke, that exhausted by it all. Even if it wouldn't be for long

"We'll worry about that later," he murmured softly, aware that neither of them were in the condition to be running off to steal things just yet. They might have to break into other places for clothing, but for now, it was better that Gabe slept to recover for the hours that they had left.

He still snorted softly. "You want me on or driving a motorcycle? That will be exciting." He wasn't going to be able to wear a face helmet, though it would have solved a lot of their problems. They would be too tight to get over his face, probably kill some sutures along the way.

He remained awake for a little while then bunkered down himself now that their bond was safe and open and dozed behind Gabe. It lessened the urge to go wandering.

He hummed a little, at least making it clear he was listening, even if the worry would still be there. The plan at least not just trapped inside of his head in silence. But- "Can't drive with your hand- would have to be behind and hold on," to Gabriel while he drove. He didn't like driving mostly because of life in LA, but he could. "Easiest to hide or ditch, what we need."

Quick and maneuverable as well, but that was the last thing he said, mumbled and dying off as he was out like a light. The sleep deep enough that it was likely going to be as restful as it possibly could given conditions. Wouldn't sleep the full eight hours of course, had only the smallest boosts from what little food he ate for his healing as well.

But he never let go of Jack's arm.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject